| How To Measure Your Love |
| COMPATIBILITY | ||||||
| Entertainment habits | ||||||
| Religious involvement | ||||||
| Opinon of partner's friends | ||||||
| Need for further education | ||||||
| Necessity of pre-marital sex |
Ideally you should be apart when completing the schedule to avoid bias from proximity. You need only to mark an "x" under the rating number which best fits your feelings about your partner. Do not give any thought as to how your rating might affect your partner. It is much better to be open about your feelings at this stage of the relationship. This will serve you well in the future, if there is one.
In reviewing the ratings our final purpose is to determine how compatible you are. Here is a summary of the ratings:
| COMPATIBILITY | ||
| Entertainment habits | ||
| Religious involvement | ||
| Opinon of partner's friends | ||
| Need for further education | ||
| Necessity of pre-marital sex | ||
| TOTAL |
* Ratings under Dave were done by Wendy and vice versa.
| A score of | Indicates Poor Compatibility not likely to succeed without fundamental change | |
| Indicates Good Compatibility requiring work in areas of disparity | ||
| Indicates Excellent Compatibility and a sound basis for Trust. |
The overall ratings show that Wendy and yourself enjoy good Compatibility with a total score of '17' each out of a maximum of '25', but with several areas of disparity. Let us look at each element as we walk with you through your discussions:
Entertainment habits: Wendy gave you an average rating of (3) while you gave her the maximum of {5). This means that you are pleased with her choices in entertainment while she has some reservations with yours. Wendy explains that going to the strip clubs with your male friends does not appeal to her as a healthy form of entertainment. That, as a woman, she feels degraded by the flaunting of the female body before leering men. She describes the art as 'sick'. You explain that as far as you are concerned this is innocent fun and something you can give up any time. In fact, now that you are going steady you will no longer frequent such places to demonstrate your respect for Wendy. Wendy expresses her pleasure at your decision.
Religious involvement: Wendy gave you an abysmal(2) and you gave her (4). Well, you are not surprised. She says you've expressed your scepticism about the existence of God from time to time. She wonders then, why you accompanied her to worship some time ago at her local church. You explain that you respect all who place their faith in something or someone they can't see. You have not been able to accept this blind allegiance with this inquiring mind of yours. However, you have not allowed this to interfere with your relationships with others because you never discuss religion. Then, why did you agree to include it as an element in our Compatibility rating, Wendy wants to know. So, you confess that you wish you had Wendy's faith in God because this seems to hold her on an even keel which you admire very much. This prompts Wendy to offer sharing her feelings about God with you which you accept.
Opinion of friends: Wendy gave you (4) and you gave her (3). She wants to know what's wrong with her friends. You explain that those you met appear too straight-laced. They did not take too kindly to you, particularly the men. That you got the impression they did't think you were good enough for Wendy. On the contrary, Wendy reveals, those you met were impressed with you, especially the girls, and would like to meet some of your friends. That could be arranged, you propose, and think it will be a good way to get to know her friends better.
Need for further education: You gave each other (3). You are both unmotivated to further your education at this time. You agree to keep the option open for the future as employment needs dictate.
Necessity of pre-marital sex: Wendy gove you the maximum (5) and she gets a low (2). She wants to know why you feel her need for pre-marital sex was so low. That the disparity is so wide this could be an area of real conflict in your relationship. Before you explain, however, you are also curious to know why she should feel your need is so great. You both find this amusing and are wondering whether you really understood the element. You proceed to explain, however, that Wendy is very conservative. Her clothes, though attractive, are never really provocative or sexy. She is a very religious person who practises her Christian principles as a way of life. One could hardly expect her to be free-spirited. Surely, pre-marital sex was clearly out of the question. Wendy reacts with a blush, but is not embarrassed. She wonders, however, if your assessment was positive or negative. Is it a good or bad thing to refrain from pre-marital sex. You shrug your shoulder.
You are anxious, however, to hear Wendy's explanation for her high rating of your need. She explains that you seem to have an obsession with the female form. The center-folds posted on your walls in your study are a dead give-away. And, let's not forget your frequent visits to the strip clubs. You smile but do not blush. There is an uneasy pause in the discussion. You are both accurate with your evaluation of this element but are unable to decide how to deal with the disparity. The question for you Dave is, are you willing to abstain from sex until marriage? And for you Wendy, should you relax your Christian belief in abstinence before marriage? You both decide to think about it and discuss it again in the near future. Whatever you decide, however, it is clear this is a vital element affecting you Compatibility and needs to be resolved if you really want the relationship to grow,
Observations: In reviewing the discussion with Dave and Wendy, several questions come to mind. But, one question to be addressed here is, What do we do when we arrive at an impasse? this happened to Dave and Wendy on the subject of pre-marital sex. Such impasses are bound to arise from time to time in all relationships. What is interesting with this technique, however, is that it views an element in the broad context of the component. The importance of Compatibility, as a whole, far outweighs that of the single element of pre-marital sex in this case. So, rather than argue about it, Dave and Wendy decided to take more time to think about it.