CHAPTER TWO
Method of Measurement
Any approach to place a value on feelings must be subjective. It is an entirely personal interpretation based on truth as the individual perceives it. 'Be True To Thyself' is, therefore, an appropriate maxim to follow in the process of measuring the strength of relationships.
Characteristics
Our first goal is to determine the essential characteristics or elements of the four major components in the growth of the love relationship, namely, Compatibility, Tuust, Commitment and Fulfilment. These elements will vary for each pair of partners, but must have the same meaning and be mutually important to both. Shared meaning and mutual importance are essential for accuracy of measurement.
Compatibility:
The elements that partners will look for when evaluating compatibility are those which tend to establish the presence of kindred spirits. Examples include, tastes in food, dress, entertainment, levels of education, type and status of employment, personal hygiene, religion, ets. In fact, if grouped under physical, social, philosophical and ideological attributes several elements can be generated.
Trust:
Believing in each others integrity is the crux of trust. This quality operates only when partners are apart. At such times imaginations can run wild, creating feelings of insecurity and jealousy. Trust is a faculty that grows only by the internal effort of the individual. Level of trust cannot be measured in reference to your partner. Each individual must come to a point in the relationship when he or she can say with conviction,'I believe in his/her integrity'. Partners will probably consider elements for measurement such as, reliability, truthfulness, keeping confidences, sharing secrets, etc.
Commitment
The establishment of mutual and lasting obligation is not easily appreciated before the fact. We simply cannot foretell the future. However, we can review past behaviour and place a value on the likelihood of future similar behaviour. Based on past experience some elements for measurement may include willingness to change, fidelity, keeping promises, motivation, responsibility, etc.
Fulfilment
To be fulfilled is to have achieved one's heart's desires. At this stage partners are sure they are of kindred spirits, believe in each others integrity and have avowed lasting obligations of their love for each other. Together they have risen above all obstacles that mar love relationships. Their concerns are with the business of living a full and productive life in complete harmony. This component is characterized by the elements of peace, happiness, forgiveness and spirituality.
The Measure
As mentioned earlier this measure is entirely subjective, based on the individual's perception of what is important for him or her in the relationship. This is how it should be, since only those involved in the relationship know their limits of acceptance. The measure therefore helps individuals to organize their feelings and perceptions about their partners and to view their relationship in a more structural way.
The Schedule
The elements under each component are grouped in the form of a schedule where they can be rated on a scale ranging from a low of one(1) to a high of five(5). The number of elements chosen is optional, but, in the example below we have limited the number to five(5). Likewise, the range of scale may be shortened to three(3) or lengthened to seven(7) depending on how much manouverability partners allow themselves.
Table 1. Example of Completed Schedule Measuring Compatibility
| COMPATIBILITY |
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
TOTAL |
| Type of friends |
- |
- |
- |
x |
- |
4 |
| Dress style |
- |
- |
- |
- |
x |
5 |
| Level of education |
- |
- |
- |
x |
- |
4 |
| Entertainment choice |
- |
- |
x |
- |
- |
3 |
| Type of employment |
- |
- |
- |
- |
x |
5 |
| TOTAL |
- |
- |
3 |
8 |
10 |
21 |
| A score of | 05-14 | Indicates Poor Compatibility not likely to succeed without fundamental change |
| 15-20 | Indicates Good Compatibility requiring work in areas of disparity |
| 21-25 | Indicates Excellent Compatibility and a sound basis for Trust. |
The above is an example of a completed schedule for measuring the first basic component, Compatibility. The five elements reflect, for partners, the meaning and importance of the component, while the ratings indicate how she or he feels about the other. The following basic rules should be observed to ensure reliability of the results:
- Choose elements jointly on the basis of their importaance to you.
- Ensure that the elements mean the same to both of you.
- Complete schedules separately to avoid bias or distraction.
- Exchange schedules for joint discussion.
- Make decisions on ways to improve on areas of disparity.
Reliability of Method
In the example above a rating of twentyone(21) out of a possible twentyfive(25) is excellent. The lowest possible rating is five(5). What do these results mean? First of all, let us remember that we are evaluating feelings. We know that feelings cannot be quantified in concrete terms. Therefore, the best we can do is to rate them on a scale. The final meaning is an entirely subjective one sensed by the rater himself or herself. That is why we describe results as poor, good or excellent.
How we use the results, however, is of utmost significance. As mentioned earlier, the result should be looked at as a guide, an indication of where the relationship is at. It could be poor, good or excellent at the time of rating in that particular component. If it is poor today, then we know there is much room for improvement. If it is consistently poor after several ratings over time, then we do not see any hope for the future and it may be wise to abandon efforts at further improvement and consider friendship instead.
Relationships may be rated as often as partners wish. The schedules become the subject of discussion, the agenda for the next meeting on relationships, the appraisal rating on certain mutually important elements. It is simply a way of communicating thoughts, feelings and perceptions about each other which otherwise may be wrongly assumed or glossed over. Too often, individuals marry without really knowing much about each other before it is too late. Hence the tragedy of divorces, abusive relationships and ruined lives.
The reliability of the measure is entirely dependent on the sincerity of the partners. If we follow the maxim, 'Be True To Thyself', consistency will be assured. The rating technique is widely used in the Social Sciences where quantification cannot be made. However, results should not be generalised.
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