This page is devoted exclusively to answering your questions on the Self-Help Techniques, namely, 'How To Interpret Your Dreams' and 'How To Measure Your Love'. If any of your questions are not included here, please don't hesitate to send me a query by e-mail so I can incorporate them. So, let's be interactive.

Dream Interpretation-The Raglan Method

What is dreaming really?

Dreaming is a subconscious activity which is carried over from the conscious, waking state when the latter fails to adequately deal with problems. The subconscius sleeping state continues to deal with these problems, symbolically, in an effort to find solutions.

Can I dream about someone else's problems?

Sure you can, but the dream will be about YOU. Your life situation is always the central subject matter of your dream. Each dreamer's situation is unique. Each dreamer attaches his/her own symbolic meaning to the objects, persons and circumstances in the dream.

What is the significance of 'qualifying' objects?

We have to be precise when identifying 'objects'. If they are qualified, this must be part of their identification. For examole, the 'shore' in our dream is a 'sandy' one, not merely a shore. Description is vital because it sharpens the symbolic meaning.

What about the precision in identifying 'persons' and 'circumctances'?

The same goes for them. Persons can be individuals or groups. As long as they speak with one voice a group is considered a person. 'Circumstances' are always descriptive. They provide the link between persons and objects, holding the dream together.

How are symbols derived?

First of all, remember that no two dreamers will agree exactly on the meaning of a symbol because of their different life experiences. In the text I defined 'symbols' as personal feelings and emotional reactions. If you saw a lion at the zoo for the first time, how would you react? You would probably be excited, but not as terrified as meeting one in the jungle! So, how you interpret the object 'lion' is preconditioned by your experience of it. The zoo experience might symbolize the lion as awesome, whereas, the jungle experience could symbolize it as dangerous.

Can the same dream have different interpretations for the dreamer?

Not likely. I say this because the dreamer is the one aware of his/her life situation. After reflection he/she will know what is most pressing and requiring of attention in his/her life situation.

What's the point of interpreting dreams, anyway?

Have you ever had a dream that worried you for some time? Did you wonder about its significance? Have you ever had the experience of waking one morning with the solution to a problem you had been grappling with during the day? If so, you'll appreciate the usefulness of dreams. Our mind never ceases to operate. It goes from conscious awareness to subconscious dreaming always trying to bring clarity and balance in our life situations. Dream interpretation helps us understand what is going on subconsciously in our efforts at improving our life situations. (Top)

How To Measure Your Love

Could you elaborate on the 'progressive and cumulative' nature of the growth of love?

Look at the analogy of building a house. First there is the foundation, then the pillars, supported by this foundation, then the flooring, supported by both foundation and pillars, then the walls supported by flooring, pillars and foundation, then the roof, supported by the flooring, walls, pillars and foundation. This is a complete static structure dependent on its parts for its wholeness. Like the house, the growth of love rests on the laying down of its foundation, Compatibility, which supports the other three components, Trust, Commitment and Fulfilment. Unlike the house, however, love is an interactive, inter-relational structure, amenable to change over time.

What do you really mean by 'Be true to thyself'?

Simply that you should not delude yourself into rating your partner on the basis of what ought to be, what you think it to be or what you would like it to be. Be honest and rate the element on how you honestly feel at the moment about your partner. Remember, the truth will set your conscience free.

What's the best way to go about choosing elements?

Sit down with your partner and together determine what qualities best characterize the component you are going to measure. Make sure you understand and agree the element means the same thing to both of you. Never include an element you are unsure of as to meaning. Examine it carefully for its significance and importance in the component. This is a very vital stage of the process. Any disagreement here invalidates the final results.

How many elements should reasonably represent a component?

That's up to you, as long as they meet the criteria of mutual understanding and importance.

How do you go about rating an element in your partner?

Refer to the answer above on being true to yourself. Remember you are rating your feelings. So, ask yourself, 'How do I feel about him or her on this element? Is he or she poor, good or excellent?'

How do we avoid conflict or disagreement during discussion of ratings?

By being mature. You both should prepare yourselves to hear the truth from the heart of the one you love. Conflict and disagreement let you know that all is not well and there is need for healing. This attitude is positive.

What about future, unforseen circumstances which may adversely affect relationships?

As was mentioned above, relationships change over time. If future circumstances threaten your good relationship it is time for re-evaluation of the component or components affected. That is the beauty of the technique. It is a reusable tool which provides a means for dealing with intrusive circumstances.

Can the test give misleading results?

It shouldn't if you have selected your elements adhereing to the recommended criteria. However, if there is the slightest doubt in your minds, then start from the beginning and re-examine your component elements.

How often should partners take the test?

As often as circumstances dictate. Only you both know how well your relationship is doing. However, do not allow unresolved issues to go unattended.

Is 'Fulfilment' really attainable?

Certainly! Think of it as reaching a stage where you both have developed a built-in, preventive mechanism that automatically deals with relationship problems as they arise- an eternal flame of love, as it were.